“Mommy, when it's your turn to die, you might have seven more weeks because you brushed and flossed your teeth everyday!"

(The kids and I observe a ‘silverfish’ insect in our basement)

Me: “Look guys, check out this bug that I found!”

Luke: “Is that a real bug?”

Andrew: “Oh yeah, that’s one of those mermaid bugs.”

(When she first observes the wall made entirely of mirror in our beach house rental)

“You all can do what you want, I just want to dance.”

(as she enjoys the view of herself, while dancing)

Me: “Andrew, smell this rose!”

Andrew: “Does that rose have a thorn?”

Me: (looking closely at the rose) “I don’t know, let me see. Hmm, no it doesn’t.”

Andrew: “Well then it’s not a rose, because every rose has a thorn.” (inspired by Poison’s song)

“Mommy, after lunch, can I have a snack?”

Me: “P..P…Parachute P..P…Playground… P..P..Pretend. What words can you think of that start with P..P..?”

Luke: “P..P..Pee Pee.. P..P..Poo Poo P..P.. Penis”

“Daddy, what if this place was a gross place and you only had to eat Adam’s apples?”

(I overheard Luke say this to his brother while they were sitting in a tide pool at the beach)

Luke to Andrew: “Andrew, this is how you baptize yourself - you put sand over your knees and then wash it off as you say your favorite verse.”

“Mommy, I cannot even remember being in your tummy at all.”

Me: “Luke, are you ready to go home and go to bed?”

Luke: “No.”

Me: “Are you ready to stay up all night and party?”

Luke: “No.”

Me: “Then, what do you want to do?”

Luke: “Crackers and peanut butter.”

While at a restaurant, a server said something about “Your Mommy…” to Andrew. He turned around to me in astonishment to say,

“How does she know your name?!”

Luke: “Mommy, can we watch a little TV?”

Me: “Sure, but first tell me, how did you sleep.”

Luke: “Great! I had an awesome dream that we were at Disney World every single day and played on the playground every single day.”

Me: “Disney is so great, isn’t it? Andrew, how did you sleep?”

Andrew: “Sideways”

Me: “OK, would you rather play an hour of putt putt and get eaten alive by no see ums and mosquitos or be out on the beach all day with no shade or sunblock?”

Luke: “Well, would you at least be in first place or get a hole in one?”

(Upon seeing our Elf on the Shelf who’d spelled out, “Be Good” in corn kernels across our dining room table,)

“Yep. He’s working for the big man!”