Poetry // Prose // Essays // Other Musings

Words. I love them. Join me over at my Substack Newsletter ‘Becoming’ where I share most of my writing.

I write to discover. I write to heal. I write to share, to connect, to remember, to feel, to pray, to worship, to give thanks, to give my thoughts space to breathe on the page.

I also collect quotes from books, overheard conversations, and my kids. Those are the best. I share a sampling of them below.

“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But since no one was listening, everything must be said again.”
— André Gide

Here is a sample of my devotional writing on Substack

Baptism of the Heart

and why we should do it over and over and over again

I listened to a pastor tell a story about a friend of his who would baptize himself every single year, and sometimes, multiple times a year. As this pastor told the story, he was chuckling that it would become so commonplace with this friend, that a few times, he and his wife called to invite his friend and his wife to hang out, and his friend’s wife would mockingly say, “We’d love to but Chris is baptizing himself again” with the implication that her husband’s necessary/unnecessary experience must come first before they could join them. Ultimately, the pastor wasn’t ridiculing his friend when he told this story. No, he was acknowledging his friend’s fervor for the symbolism he placed on the baptism experience.

To be washed clean. Reminded that you are forgiven and free. A new creation.

I don’t feel the need to baptize myself over and over again, but I do recognize the importance of the heart-work that needs to be done, over and over again -

a baptism of the heart, or as Paul called it, a circumcision of the heart.

“…and true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by the Spirit. And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people” - Romans 2:29

There is a question I ask myself at the beginning of every year, and more often as necessary, when I feel an unsettling in my Spirit, and that is:

“What needs to DIE OFF so Christ can take up MORE space in my heart?”

I have discovered that many times the answer doesn’t come right away. I’ve learned to await a revealing from the Holy Spirit with what the answer is. Even when I feel closely connected and in step with the Lord, there’s always something that needs to die off that is sneakily taking up valuable real estate in my heart. Sometimes the answer surprises me. Sometimes, it’s something I didn’t realize needed to go.

Time to wash away the old, and make space for the new. Again.

And again. And again. And again. As often as needed. For as long as I walk this Earth…

“The most important thing in your life is not what you do, it’s who you become. That’s what you will take into eternity.” - Dallas Willard

I recently pulled up my old baptism video to watch again with my family. I decided to take some screenshots and do a little editing in Canva and made this beautiful black and white photomontage (above); a perfect visual reminder of washing away the old to make way for the new.

I’d like to pray for us.

Heavenly Father,

You are so good to us. You love us too much to allow us to keep living our lives with the same sin-patterns and ways that are unproductive for your Kingdom. Thank you that you have given us a perfect model of how we are to live our lives in your son, Jesus. Father, let this question of ‘what needs to die off’ be on our hearts now and as often as needed as we strive to become more like Christ. Lord, reveal to us all of the things that need to die off and convict us to move toward becoming better versions of ourselves. Father, sometimes the things you reveal are hard to accept, sometimes we don’t know how to change them or don’t realize they even need to be addressed. Help us to lean into you in our weaknesses there and to not lean on our understanding. We know life is brief here on Earth; remind us that we are preparing for Eternity and we want to start NOW.

I pray this all in your son’s Holy, matchless name, Jesus, Amen.

xo,

Kelly

For Reflection

“What needs to DIE OFF so Christ can take up MORE space in your heart?”

Here is a sample of my poetry writing on Substack

What do you call a hope that hangs on by a thread; that remains expectant when your heart feels numb and dead?

What do you call the courage you have to share your painful song? For others, to then, get intimidated, turned off by it, or tell you what you’re feeling is wrong?

What do you call the isolation you feel when nobody understands what you’re going through? And you wonder how you’ll have the energy to share the details, yet again, to someone new?

What do you call that place in your heart needing deep repair? From the dreams of a life you thought you’d have, but instead, you find despair?

What do you call the endless mornings and nights on your knees asking the Lord to make things new? But you find yourself, each new day, holding on to that hope by a thread, and it’s all that gets you through.

What do you call the friends and family you’ve lost because they can’t hold you in your pain? When their advice falls flat, or they don’t want to hear anymore, or they go silent, again and again?

What do you call the strength you receive to make it one more day? When you’re not sure you have any left in you and there are no more words to pray?

What do you call the the feelings you have when others tell you to just rest in the Lord, seek his goodness and He will make it right? But they don’t know how long you’ve poured your heart out to him, and how you’ve already handed over your fight.

Here is an excerpt from a series of nature essays, Class Insecta, on Substack

IV. Ladybugs

A few summers ago, we had a tree in our front yard full of every stage in the lifecycle of a ladybug, from eggs to larvae to pupas to the adults.

This tree, and its inhabitants, became a great source of entertainment during a time when the world shut down and everyone was told to stay at home.

We watched an adult ladybug lay her tiny, ovoid yellow eggs on a thin piece of pine straw that had fallen and become tangled in the tree from a towering pine whose canopy overshadowed the small tree. She remained unphased as I picked the piece up to observe her through my macro lens attached to my phone. She walked down the pine straw piece, laying her eggs, one at a time, all in a tight cluster.

She then sharply turned around and ate all of the eggs, one at a time, while walking back up the pine straw.

We couldn’t believe our eyes.

Luke, newly six, stated, “She must not love her babies.”

Yes. She must not.

{Research suggests that engaging in cannibalistic behaviors is advantageous for ladybugs because it results in metabolic gains and a reduction in potential predators.}1

“The wilderness holds answers to questions man has not yet learned to ask.”

- Nancy Newhall

  • Luke, age 4

    “Mommy, when it's your turn to die, you might have seven more weeks because you brushed and flossed your teeth everyday!"

  • Luke, 5 & Andrew, 3

    (The kids and I observe a ‘silverfish’ insect in our basement)

    Me: “Look guys, check out this bug that I found!”

    Luke: “Is that a real bug?”

    Andrew: “Oh yeah, that’s one of those mermaid bugs.”

  • Naomi, age 4

    (When she first observes the wall made entirely of mirror in our beach house rental)

    “You all can do what you want, I just want to dance.”

    (as she enjoys the view of herself, while dancing)

  • Andrew, 6

    Me: “Andrew, smell this rose!”

    Andrew: “Does that rose have a thorn?”

    Me: (looking closely at the rose) “I don’t know, let me see. Hmm, no it doesn’t.”

    Andrew: “Well then it’s not a rose, because every rose has a thorn.” (inspired by Poison’s song)

  • Andrew, 3

    “Mommy, after lunch, can I have a snack?”

  • Luke, 3

    Me: “P..P…Parachute P..P…Playground… P..P..Pretend. What words can you think of that start with P..P..?”

    Luke: “P..P..Pee Pee.. P..P..Poo Poo P..P.. Penis”

  • Luke, 4

    “Daddy, what if this place was a gross place and you only had to eat Adam’s apples?”

  • Luke, 7 & Andrew, 5

    (I overheard Luke say this to his brother while they were sitting in a tide pool at the beach)

    Luke to Andrew: “Andrew, this is how you baptize yourself - you put sand over your knees and then wash it off as you say your favorite verse.”

  • Luke, 5

    “Mommy, I cannot even remember being in your tummy at all.”

  • Luke, 2

    Me: “Luke, are you ready to go home and go to bed?”

    Luke: “No.”

    Me: “Are you ready to stay up all night and party?”

    Luke: “No.”

    Me: “Then, what do you want to do?”

    Luke: “Crackers and peanut butter.”

  • Andrew, 6

    While at a restaurant, a server said something about “Your Mommy…” to Andrew. He turned around to me in astonishment to say,

    “How does she know your name?!”

  • Andrew, 4

    Luke: “Mommy, can we watch a little TV?”

    Me: “Sure, but first tell me, how did you sleep.”

    Luke: “Great! I had an awesome dream that we were at Disney World every single day and played on the playground every single day.”

    Me: “Disney is so great, isn’t it? Andrew, how did you sleep?”

    Andrew: “Sideways”

  • Luke, 8

    Me: “OK, would you rather play an hour of putt putt and get eaten alive by no see ums and mosquitos or be out on the beach all day with no shade or sunblock?”

    Luke: “Well, would you at least be in first place or get a hole in one?”

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